We make memories and then they fade. I – and most normal humans – did not realise how quickly they fade, until I got a baby. After a year of milestones, I learned that I do remember some. Some.
Writing about it, is keeping it alive. And I went on a holiday that is worth to keep alive: To Montreal to visit Guillaume and Chanèle, where they live. We met a few years before in Amsterdam, when we both lived there as expats. Me, from Rotterdam, they, from Canada. They invited me and Elin who was 14 months then (and even Iggy, but the dog stayed at home) to come over to Montreal, where they have an AirBnB under their apartment.
Here I wrote all the things I remember and some other random finding of our holiday. In English, because this was my present for Gui and Chanèle. They also made some notes, which you can find below my letter. They are super flattering so please do read until the complete end.
Thursday 19th sept 2024
We arrived and Guillaume picked us up on the airport and there I found out something quite exotic to me: Canada has electric wires hanging in the sky. Very photographic! (and sensible to bad weather, as Gui told me).
The first entry to your city gave me immediately a relaxed vibe. Not only because of the cute two blockhouses and beautiful colour grading trees, also because when Elin started to cry, Gui just stopped over so I could check her. The understanding of each other. As parents of one year old babies, in the same boat, right from the start of my holiday, was very warming.
When I arrived in your beautiful apartment and saw Chanèle again, it felt immediately like home. The full apartment downstairs at my own disposal might have helped a little.
Chanèle was determined to cook for me. I was determined to help. We found each other in the middle and made together an eggplant curry. The kids went to bed early and we had a dinner at the rooftop terrace. Chanèle made me laugh very hard that the eggplant curry was ‘so easy to make’. She roasted in advance the eggplants for an hour and we had to peel the skin off. We decided that I would help her more in easy recipes, which is a nice task to learn something to Chanèle and also helpful for me to not overdo the cooking part. We both have a hand in this.
Friday 20 sept
The next day Elin and I were awake extremely early, around 5. I wasn’t sure of the codes in this kid thing. I mean, in normal holiday life, an appropriate time to go up and share a coffee together would be around 9.30. How to fill this for what it feels like half day, with a bouncing kid in an apartment that is not mine? Thankfully Chanèle send me a message 5 minutes later, that Sophie Lou was awake and coffee in the make.
I learned from that moment that Chanèle has an almost spiritual thoughtfulness in small things that makes you, if you notice it, feel extremely rich.The rest of the week it became a sport for me to notice it and feel rich and learning to become more thoughtful as well.
That day we did a tiny tour through the neighbourhood where Gui used to live. We took the bakkie (that is how they call a bakfiets in Montreal apparently), and Elin was in the bakkie and I felt very noticed that day, which is hard to explain why so I am not even trying. We went for a coffee. You guys are very much into cortado, which was not even on the menu there, or on any menu in Montreal. I think it is something you took from Amsterdam, to act a bit more snobbish about your coffee. We also took a sandwich there. Then we went for another sandwich with chicken and extra potatoes which was also great. Then we went for a bagel, which was great, but apparently I had to keep space for the gnocchi at Drogheria Fine that is only 5 dollar which is nothing for the amount and taste, but they give you chopsticks and if you want a spoon it costs more, we kept the 50 dollar cents in our pockets and instead we took two gnocchi’s. Ha! In a nutshell, I got a very coherent insight of what daily life for Guillaume used to be.
After Elins nap, we picked up Sophie Lou and then we took the bakkie to a park where I saw a lot of squirrels together. You guys considered them as rats but I just think they are adorable and they eat nuts. I wonder, how cute do you need to be to get into the hart of a Montrealer?
Also I saw the most exotic thing ever for a young mum: a playground with donated plastic toys by the neighbourhood. I think this was baby heaven. Gui got us beers and then it was also parents heaven.
The evening we were ready for food again which was quite an achievement after the luncheon before. We made homemade pizza, which sounds very fancy, something that you would do with your new neighbours to impress them, but in the end, when three friends do it, it is actually not so fancy, especially since Gui took some weed and I conveniently forgot to never smoke abroad, they have crazy weed, and took a few drags. I cried from laughing that night, It wasn’t only the weed. We went to bed super late, I thought. It was 22.30. So thankful.
Saturday 21 sept
We went for a stroll to Rachels because she had a difficulty with breastfeeding and then Chanèle told her to make a better hamburger of her nipple. Yes you can all laugh, but when Chanèle tells you this, it works. Now you again. I also learned that Rachel is the most relaxed person on earth, especially noticing this because I met her on her hardest day in her maternity week and I couldn’t tell. She rocks this parenting thing.
Gui and I left a bit earlier and went for a coffee (ah well, cortado) at the coolest little coffeeshop with the coolest people from Montreal. They could even cream pistachio milk which later appeared to be quite an achievement. After that we went to the Italian market. That was a basic mistake. The time window of ‘happy kid in stroller’ definitely passed by. We learned you can do one grown up thing, one baby thing. So cortado – nap or playground. And not cortado – market. Uh uh.
Sunday 22 sept
Chanèle had a baby shower and Elin and I wanted to stay for just a sec and say, but that is impossible with these people. So we stayed and I met Chanèles sister and mum and the boys, that were not boys but girls but the call themselves something like that and in French it sounds supercute. I felt very welcomed and by getting to know Chanèles sister, cousin and mum, I understood where here determined warmth was coming from. They share a cool vibe, I cannot touch it, not even by words, but I try it with ‘eloquent earthiness’. You guys are super spiritual, in just being. Lovely, lovely family.
In the evening I had to write a motivational letter and resume, to find myself a new job and Guilaume came down to gave me some tips before going to bed. He said, everything you put in there builts up to the fact that you are the perfect fit. It sounds so simple, but by his words, I learned, I am te perfect fit for whatever job. Off course I am! Fuck that imposter syndrome. It is time to step up my game.
Monday 23 sept
This day we left for a little trip. I came up with the idea of it, to go explore and see a bit more of Canada and you guys were so polite to step in. We decided that a jacuzzi would be cool and therefor we took a chalet with forest view and bubbly pool. We send them an email whether the jacuzzi worked.
When we came in the house. It looked very cute, but maybe not for three adults and two babies, but more for a swingers couple while the upper floor had no curtains nor a door. The other room had some kind of door, but not really, it was a sliding door. More for show. (Swingers, uh uh). And the stairs where very, very open.
We went for a walk and forgot our camera so we saw nice things but made no report and also Sophie Lou was a bit done and us too actually and when we came back, Chanèle had a very important call and our kids played next to that call and made a lot of noise and there was only that sliding door and no stair gate and then I had my first tiny nervous breakdown with Elin. She was driving me crazy by keep demanding my boob or going on the stairs. She was hungry and I didn’t finish the food yet and this was new for me. I now have an eating child. She learned that from watching Sophie Lou who eats like she is on duty in the army.
I learned that evening, that even if the environment is super exotic an beautiful you will see maybe a tenth of it with a baby, so think twice whether you really want to see something completely new or just go on a nice day trip. We had dinner, an actually easy dinner and went to bed completely dead at 20.30. The jacuzzi wasn’t warm enough to go in, but we could never ever make it til 23.00. Never.
In the night, if Sophie Lou made a sound, Elin echoed like a dolphin in the ocean to see if she could connect. I learned that night that if you ever book a house and mail them, check stair gates and surrounding playgrounds, not jacuzzi’s.
Tuesday 24 sept
The two baby’s were this morning at 10.00 am a bit dead but also very much awake, like little maniacs and Gui had a call. Chanèle and me were in a doubt, whether this could be the worst or the best idea, to put the baby’s in the car and see if they fall asleep. We decided to give it a go, put on classical music (Brahm lullaby baby theme) and 2 minutes later both the kids were asleep in the car. High five! Best idea! We went for gas and did some shopping, where every few minutes one of us went to the car to check if they were still asleep. I hopefully never forget the peaceful image of that two baby’s in a car with open windows, persistently sleeping while classical music was playing. We drove back and once we arrived the kids were still asleep. And then Chanèle had the worst idea. I kind of knew but it was too much fun not to step in. So this was the idea. The car makes a lot of noises. It actually shouts to you ‘your cellphone is still in the vehicle’, when you are leaving the car. But that we had to do, since Bach had to finish its partiture for the babies. The terrible idea was to leave the car via the window, so the car wouldn’t notice we were gone. We left via the window. It went well! But then the car noticed that they key was still in the car and no one in the seat and it started to shout that the key was in the car and that the person left and then the car was all panicked and decided to put on its alarm. The. Alarm. Even Elin, quite used to her noisy and clumsy mum, was wide awake and not amused.
The afternoon was actually quite lovely, like how we imagined the swinger chalet would have been for children. We sat in the jacuzzi with the kids and we set on the terrace breastfeeding and chatting and the view was one of the nicest views from a jacuzzi I have ever seen, which made me sound a bit like a girl from the province that never went into a jacuzzi, but well, maybe I am in my heart this girl from the province that never went into a jacuzzi.
We made a fire and Gui and I gave the kids food by the fire, inconvenient but cute and the rest of the evening was quite relaxed. We had one of my favourite wines, a Pouilly Fusee, that Guillaume now forever labelled as ‘it sounds like I am saying it with my anus’ and I still laugh out loud when I think of that.
The night was terrible again. Swingerschalet, we know it now. Always ask for stairgates, doors, curtains, playground. The next day we decided to drive back to Montreal before the first sleep.
Wednesday 25 september
If anything, the swingers chalet really made me appreciate Montreal again. We went right in the morning for a playground for kids till 5 years old where the floor is super soft and slides are not ‘challenging’. On beforehand it was quitte unimaginable how happy I would be seeing this playground again, in kind of dull part of the neighbourhood, but it became one of my favourite parts of Canada.
The rest of the day was for nothing special. I learned to lower the pace and Chanèle said, that is what I imagined from our vacation, just to exist next to each other. Nice lesson, also for life in general, Kortleve.
Sophie Lou and I started to get connected. It is wonderful to live for a while so close to a baby and learn that they attach themselves to you in their own specific way. Sophie Lou gives me a lot the cheeky look. I love it, it is our mutual understanding that this world is ours. In the afternoon we were standing in the living room and danced and Sophie Lou crawled to the living, stoot up and danced as well, giving me her cheeky look. The world is ours! And then she did a step. Her first step! Sophie Lou, the world is yours. She is so beautiful and cool.
Before I left for Montreal I thought, hmm, maybe Elin will be a bit ahead of Sophie Lou, she is 2,5 months older and she is quite fast in her learning. She is ahead of most children. So realistic, she is probably mentally 5 months older than Sophie Lou.
Classic. It appeared to be the other way around. Sophie Lou is ahead of Elin. She says mama and papa, eating, water and banana (!). She does the whole baby gestures thing like ‘finished’ and ‘more’ while Elin sat next to her in her chair like a beaming athlete.
During the week Chanèle had mentioned a few times that one dish I once made with Gui once in Amsterdam, fessenjan. It is an Iranian dish and very meaty, but that time I made it with Gui with a tiny bit of meet, from a bone and lentils and it was great. I got quite enthusiastic to make it again, because indeed, it wás nice that time. So we bought a bone to make it again, for Thania, Chanèle’s friend from childhood, when she would come over. It was an impossible dish to make with baby’s around and half way we stopped. I felt a bit guilty since we told her to cook her something nice, but apparently Thania is one of the most relaxed humans on the planet and she just ate some crackers and didn’t care. Very insightful, just to stop sometimes with everything you tried and serve crackers and yourself.
It was a perfect day, by doing nothing much and also by having an actually bedroom door when Elin was asleep.
Thursday 26 september
We went for a walk on the hill of Montreal and to see the view from top of that hill. It was a beautiful walk but also weird because we got a buddy: a guy from Atlanta (He actually spoke like how they speak in Dinasty, but maybe that is in my head and do all American guys a bit speak like they act in Dinasty) that offered us to take a photo from us when we made a selfie, but then he just took horrible zoomed in photos, eh, thanks now we don’t have a nice selfie of us Buddy, don’t you that mums almost never take selfies anymore and no we did not, and after that walked with us within hearing distance, which was very weird and I regretted I my poor school French even more.
When we reached the top with buddy, the view was non-existent, it was too cloudy. In all her years, Chanèle never had seen it so cloudy up there. It suited completely the theme of baby travelling: when you go with a baby, you will only see a third of everything you wanted to see. On good days, half.
After the lovely walk (‘bye, buddy’), we picked up Gui to eat a Montreal delicacy: Poutine. Fries with gravy and cheese. We ordered two portions, large. Sounds normal to me, but the oversees portion are different then in the Netherlands. We overordered, we overrate.
By the way. Poutine is a great national dish to have guys. I congratulate you with being able to serve fries dripping from gravy and chewy cheese and say it is a cultural thing and that with every tourist coming over, you have to get some.
After the poutine we went to a park and Elin and me had the best time with the squirrels. We went for a coffee, even in this super normal ice skating shop thing you guys ordered a cortado, waiting outside and left me and the bartenders puzzled, and then we sat together and I asked why squirrels where so hatred. And then the answer was, eventually, Gui actually had to look it up via Google (I think he actually typed in the search demand ‘why do we hate squirrels?): they carry diseases, like rabies. When was the last time someone got rabies from a squirrel, I asked. The answer is still in the sky. When we walked further, Guillaume and Chanèle saw an albino squirrel and said, ‘hey, aaah’. They pretended that they never had seen one before, like, normal squirrels we hate because of rabies, but albino squirrels we think are cute. Off course.
In the evening I finished the Fessenjan dish, so we could eat it the next day (poutine was still filling up all my veins) and had to conclude I will probably never refind that great recipe back. Chanèle thought it might have been the special night, because it was so warming that someone cooked for her, but I don’t buy that, because her taste buds are not so forgiving, even if she wants too. And mine are even more terribly critical.
So I had to conclude, the only ingredient that was missing, was Gui. The first time I made it I was not being handicapped with any knowledge of Guis lacking interest in cooking. That must be the answer. That they he just pretended to like it and during this act he probably added something totally random – a bit of rum, some chocolate, cherry soda – in the pot, with a very convincing face, that seemed completely normal (like, really normal, because after that day I thought Gui liked cooking) and that cracked the fessenjan code. Now I know Gui’s true non-cooking identity, we will never find it back.
Friday 27 september
We left again for a chalet, but this time to the house of Guillaume and Chanèle in the South. The ‘loyalist’ part. Where there were people who speak English. I imagined myself that this would be a very awful part of Quebec. But I learned it was a beautiful part of the country, one of those parts where city people are in a struggle whether they want to live there, with vegetables in the garden and some trees and chickens, or live in the city with cortado’s and Thania’s.
We didn’t take our strollers with us, since there was a ‘buggy’. In the Netherlands, a buggy is something else than in the loyalist part of Quebec, where a buggy stands for a random toy thing were kids can stay in for 10 minutes to be driven around and then Elin starts to pull Sophie Lou’s hair. That was the only inconvenient thing and that was the only thing we had to learn this time. Take a stroller. Comparing to the list of thing we had to learn last time we booked a chalet, it was quite an improvement.
We made a beautiful walk to the supermarket. Isn’t that the coolest thing, to make a walk to the supermarket and that appears to be a trip you could have booked. I absolutely adore the pleasure and practical combination, it made the walk even more beautiful. (I always used to like that but since I am a parent I don’t mind my true identity to be revealed.)
Also, there was a playground nearby. We all felt very relaxed and happy.
The night went quite well, considering we slept in the same big bedroom. But at 5.00 in the morning, Sophie Lou waked up and the Elin echood again. Dolphin show. A tiny bit early.
Saturday 28 September
The Saturday was a perfect day. We went for a daytrip to an abbey and went apple picking with the girls and the cousin of Gui. Elin was smiling all day. Ok, one time she did not, when she saw the cheese the monks (very productive monks by the way, it had something to do with God apparently) make in the abbey and decided she was hungry. We had to buy it right away. I now have an eating child.
Elin got totally hyped over apples. She still is. When she sees an apple now, she bites on it. Also in supermarkets. Then – this day kept on giving – we had a picknick with frijoles and pizzas and the kids sat in their cute mini travel chairs.
When we came home, we went for a swim in the river and Gui’s mom, Sylviane, joined us. That was pretty neet. The water was cold and gave me and energy kick like a espresso martini would have given me in the pre kids days.
After that we had a bonfire, some food and the kids went for a sleep. After our daily wine (yes we had a wine every day, but we concluded that it was allowed, also the craving for it around four, even when we thought, well I don’t have to drink tonight. Also allowed. Because holidays. Because French people. J’aime la vie.) we also went to bed and then Sophie Lou became a bit sick and we had no stroller, just an Anglofile buggy.
Sunday 29 September
Elin and I were pretty fine after the night, but you guys a bit dead. We went to go to the (undercooked, but I forgive them) sour dough bakery and we saw Guilliaumes mum and her church. Yes, Gui’s mum has a church and made it a domicile for art that is not very churchy at all and yes I became friends with Gui before I knew that. She gave me and Elin (who was pretending to be very interested, so sweet) a tour. I learned that morning where Gui has his detailed warmth from. His mother told tell the stories of the artist like they are good friends of her and she takes all the time of the world for you, like there is nothing else on the world at that moment besides you. Like Gui.
In the afternoon we made a walk through the valley of De Ruiter (yes, from Elise) and I saw, how exotic, wires again, this time they extract the sirup from maple trees. It was a beautiful walk and the kids were very content and relaxed. We sat next to the river, we didn’t even had to go far to find this beautiful spot (like, next to the bridge back to the parking).
I made a bolognese and added vinegar and learned the life lesson that tomatoes are sour enough. I am new in the bolognese. Ah well it was edible and then we drove home and figured that the kids would sleep in the car. They did not because Elin didn’t drink a bottle (basic mistake) and kept Sophie Lou awake. When we gave her a cold bottle, she was a bit reluctant but decided to set for it and then she finally slept for the second half. It was quite a nice view, two sleeping babies and the skyline of Montreal, with that spacey colourful bridge, and then Gui and Chanèle in the front of the car explaining me the parts of the city that I missed but definitely will see next time we visit. Sitting there I felt such a warmth how they took that for granted, that we will come over again for a visit.
We arrived home and would sleep all together in the apartment of Gui and Chanèle. We were afraid that the kids would do their dolphin act, but nada (well, almost nada). Elin and I slept quite good, at our big air mattress at the maisonette.
Monday 30 September
Waking up seeing the sun comes up over the roofs, was very beautiful and urban (I started to use this word since I am a mom, very urban. Now all my swag is gone and made place for hydrofile cloths and panic over missing pacifiers, I also adopted some terms like these in my vocabulary. It might be an ugly word, but it conveniently describes the scenery and my enthusiasm).
We were delighted the night has been quite doable, so we decided that we could actually visit the old town. The whole week we hadn’t seen it, the most touristic part of Montreal. Like a mental fata morgana of our trip, sometimes glooming in our potential plans but then, meh, no. But the last day the circle was round. We saw the old town.
It was nice and there was someone playing music on a square, a bit the sound of The Weekend but then French, and Elin danced a bit on it. She learned that form Sophie Lou, who dances all the time.
We also went to China Town (Old Town check! China Town check!) for a lunch at the hand pulled noodles bar. It was our first time out for a lunch and that was great for like 20 minutes and then Elin wanted to be entertained, so we went quickly to a playground. That’s it, I learned, the great lunches with kids are definitely over for me. Well at least at the cool places. But I couldn’t care so much, especially since I have such great friends that just went, without complaining (I mean, while their kid was at day care, we were with three adults plus one baby at the playground).
In the afternoon Sophie Lou and Elin had their last play together while I was making dinner, before we would leave for the airport. Elin took something from Sophie Lou and that was it for Sophie Lou, the whole week she was the cute smart girl and Elin was the athlete who just grabbed her hair and her cheeks. And then Sophie Lou made her statement and walked towards Elin and took it back.
Sophie Lou indeed decide to walk for the first time in her life the last hour of our stay in Montreal. I still can’t believe that happened. The face of Sophie Lou was so intensely cool. The proud looks of Gui and Chanèle made me realise how amazing these milestones are, every day we are with them. And that we have to keep eye for them. All of them.
Also Elin looked proud. I am not sure if that is actually possible but I will remember it like that.
Chanèle: I think Elin understood, baby to baby that this first walk was quiet a milestone as she just lived it a few weeks/month ago. But what Ein should be proud of – and please give her the message – is that her contagious laugh – because Elin is the most laughing baby i’ve ever met, she just laughs all the time and knows that it triggers happiness in us – has reached Sophie Lou as soon as she woke up without her the next day. We now have a laughing child.
And with that message from Chanele, that gives me every time I read it tears in my eyes, I will end this writing. hoping that when I will read it back in a few years, I will relive it a bit again. Because I am so intensely grateful that I just went. With my kid, other side of the ocean. This was my longest journey together and I did take something home that was both paradoxical as transformational: Lower the pace, see what’s there.
All my love,
Anneke
*
Thursday 19 September (arrival)
Guillaume: It was so great to hug you, and because the policeman want you to spend minimal time picking up people, I moved on quickly to pack the stuff and Elin jumped in my arms right away. I strapped her to the baby seat, and she didn’t say anything. Speeding away, I finally exhaled Ino news from Anneke other than she was heading to the airport, and left to pick her up no knowing if her phone worked here, if she made it. I realised I am way to anxious. Am I? Above all, we learnt that she was traveling by train with a carry on only. She keeps saying people rock some stuff – she rocks the travelling with a baby thing at large and even more as a single mom.
Chanèle: Probably Anneke feeling right away at home contributed to Elin feel right away at home because she straight came into my arms when i saw her and extended my arms. Wow what a good feeling to feel that she still had a confident feeling around from our last days together back in June. The day Anneke arrived I was in the last process to make an offer on a house i’m buying with my brother and sister for my mother. It was very stressful and the following days as well as the offer got accepted and we needed to organize a lot of stuff. I felt bad not beeing 100% free for her, but I could feel the honest relaxedness of Anneke which make me at ease and remind me that just beeing around eachother was already good enough.
Anneke: Haha, this house buying thing was just a few phone calls.
Friday 20 September (heavens playground with donated plastic toys)
Chanèle Yes it was. And part of this heaven was that there was some table to put our stuff and all the snacks we brought for the kids – and thank you for this Anneke, because yes I do have an eating child, but I still wasn’t used to be ready for it. Oh and I’d like to mention that Sophie, my close friend who showed us this new family heaven, wrote right after that she really enjoyed your company and was sad that you didn’t live in Montreal – this is really cute and made me proud of my amazing Dutch friend.
Monday 30 september (Mental fata morgana)
Chanèle Our way to the old town was also part of the tourist circle. We experienced the Montreal subway, which makes you feel in a continuous Garnier shampoo TV ad. Anneke rocks this shampoo add by the way and seems likes she has been practicing all her life in her shower – i might use her video for my new cosmetic brand.